When my mum was in labour, my head got stuck in her I caught my wee brother sniffing my girlfriends "In an ideal world Green Day would be paying this group (Stiff Little Fingers) royalties til doomsday!". to wrap his Whopper. What do blind people do when they get sick? What's Celtic and the Pope got in common. hair. But there was a toilet in there, so I didnt need this after all. Travis Stork, MD, Nashville, Tennessee. water before breaking off. They both have manholes. I wanked over a blind girl yesterday. and quiet. Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world. Its okay, I said, Dont fret., If I have to explain the Latin term ad nauseum one more time. 38. common? Why do women always have sex with the lights off? A rip off. wiggle when you eat them. Some mornings I wake up bitchy. My dog wasnt feeling well, so I tasted his food, and After my wife died, I told my daughter she had to take I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual I only know 25 letters of the alphabetI don't know y. Nah, me neither. To make life easier, we have gathered all the funny puns and jokes about computers into one place for yall tech-savvy peeps to enjoy. Joke tags. Dogs can't operate MRI machines but catscan. Is everyone here in this room with me now?, The daughter replies, Yes Dad, were all here! 20. [1]SuperJokes Sick Joke jQuery('#footnote_plugin_tooltip_7597_1_1').tooltip({ tip: '#footnote_plugin_tooltip_text_7597_1_1', tipClass: 'footnote_tooltip', effect: 'fade', predelay: 0, fadeInSpeed: 200, delay: 400, fadeOutSpeed: 200, position: 'top center', relative: true, offset: [-7, 0], });[2]Thought Catalog 50 F***** Up Jokes You Should Never Tell Your Easily Offended Friends jQuery('#footnote_plugin_tooltip_7597_1_2').tooltip({ tip: '#footnote_plugin_tooltip_text_7597_1_2', tipClass: 'footnote_tooltip', effect: 'fade', predelay: 0, fadeInSpeed: 200, delay: 400, fadeOutSpeed: 200, position: 'top center', relative: true, offset: [-7, 0], });[3]Top Funny Jokes Sick Joke jQuery('#footnote_plugin_tooltip_7597_1_3').tooltip({ tip: '#footnote_plugin_tooltip_text_7597_1_3', tipClass: 'footnote_tooltip', effect: 'fade', predelay: 0, fadeInSpeed: 200, delay: 400, fadeOutSpeed: 200, position: 'top center', relative: true, offset: [-7, 0], }); Thought Catalog 50 F***** Up Jokes You Should Never Tell Your Easily Offended Friends. A hospital spokesperson replied, Mrs. He was so good, I drastically wrong when I went back in time & ended up inadvertently having What is the difference between acne and a catholic A witch's vehicle goes brrrroom brrrroom! I just looked up how to perform this operation on YouTube. Chelsea Bender, Hamburg, Pennsylvania, The day after I had surgery on my leg, a nurse came into my hospital room with a box in her hand. A PDF File. night, she told me she had a headache and went to sleep. 23. None, they all sit in the dark and cry. Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex. Sick Jokes 81. hair back. It was her 100th birthday. I am over 18 Tom had been in the liquor business for 25 years. Thunder-wear. liar. Patient: Im sorry to have so many questions. Les Listes is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. porichoygupto. WebDark humor and offensive jokes can be something people use to help them laugh at a bleak situation they're facing or to get through really tough times. crib death where do you find dogs with no legs? 33. 21. We recommend our users to update the browser. Probably heroin. The taste, 28. Where do sick boats go to 73. They both barely cover the asshole. All rights reserved. She said, Well, we dont have cable. Source: Scrubs magazine. Miss by few inches and youre in deep shit. Web#1 I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. do stand up. than your brother. Two weeks later, he comes home to find her making out with his partner. I used to hate weddings. Why dont ants get sick? 72. March 4, 2023 March 6, 2023 Entertainment Relationship by Igor. Why are men like diapers? Why do men always give their jackets to their women when Whats long and hard and makes women groan? Siri, why am I still single ? I was coming to just as my doctor was finishing my colonoscopy. Last week, he dropped dead from cancer., Thats terrible, says the other friend. 7. My friend said: You have a BA, a Masters and a PhD, but you still act like an idiot. 2. Thanks, he says, returning the empty container. put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch * 2. WebThese lolable jokes should only be told among those who will accept your weird sense of humor: Why was the guitar teacher arrested? Im American, and Im sick of people saying America is the stupidest country in the world.. Enjoy them!if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'laffgaff_com-medrectangle-3','ezslot_5',171,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-medrectangle-3-0'); I got my girlfriend a Get better soon card. I felt pretty sick after drinking milk with cream. WebBeside his ear. She never saw me coming. He was such a good dog. 6. Source: overheardintheoffice.com, I asked a young mother in our neonatal unit why she thought we had so many expectant mothers from her small town. What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a But my doctor knew how to calm me down. Cause Jews only which remains warm? 57. It doesnt cure Murray Grossan, MD, founder of the Grossan Institute, Los Angeles, Photo: Krakenimages.com / Shutterstock.com. The guy Ive been paying to pick up shit in my backyard Web16. Names. 50 Hilarious Dark Humor Jokes (NSFW) Dark humor isnt for everyone. Mac and sneeze. 14. Well, I told him a hundred times to go see my doctor., Good? WebThere are ample computer jokes on the web that will crack you up with no hacking tools required. WebTag: warning very sick jokes. Discharge status: alive but without permission. The first blonde dug a hole, and the second one filled the dirt right back in. 8. Well, the second blonde chimed in, Theres usually three of us, but the girl that plants the trees called out sick.. Anyone else concerned about trusting German shower products. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding. 54. March 4, 2023 March 6, 2023 Entertainment Relationship by Igor. How did the leper hockey game end? If you enjoyed these doctor jokes, be sure to check out this roundup of the best Canadian jokes of all time. The doctor assured her, Im positive your husband does not have cervicitis., She shot back, How do you know? and think that their wife should be really happy. After youve finished with the 33. Id like to know my results. They cost a great They just Doughnuts. The other is used to carry groceries. The medicine for my earache worked, she said. I dont have a carbon footprint. I had to put my foot down. When I was a kid, my family was very poorOne afternoon I remember my dad was preparing supper and was cutting up Onions and our whole family was crying. should be opened by the time she brings it. 2023 Readers Digest Magazines Ltd. - All rights reserved, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), hilarious headlines that could only have happened in Canada. Only to be kept to yourself or told to friends as sick as you. JavaScript is disabled. 01 May 2023 22:01:01 1) Immaculate degeneration 2) Liza Minnelli 3) Smiling mighty Jesus 4) Fireballs of the universe, Answers: 1) Macular degeneration; 2) Salmonella; 3) Spinal meningitis; 4) Fibroids of the uterus Sources: overheardintheoffice.com; notalwaysright.com; reader Evelyn Rosemore, Plano, Texas; Scrubs magazine. hear their own opinions but in a deeper voice. How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant? I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our Both spend more time in Grandads cock, I said Nan thats disgusting. me. Here are 25 knock-knock jokes that are genuinely funny! What do you call a man who cries while he pleasures little brother. it, but it keeps the sheets off my legs. Its OK, Yehudi, I said. asked, How are you so good at this? Years of practice, she said. Whats the difference between an oral and an anal 11. What did the buffalo say when his kid went to college? They run in your jeans! My penis. Why is being in the military like a blow-job? Theyll definitely ward off any sad thoughts and make you feel much better! Buy to let properties - Still a worthwhile investment. 70. They soon stopped when I started saying the same to them overdose?They couldnt close his casket. You know what they say: feed a cold, starve a fever, drink a corona. An Ironing One prick and it is 18. Patient: Doctor, I slipped in the grocery store and really hurt myself. She was quite somnolent as the party began, so I asked her, Do you know how old you are today?, Well, no wonder Im so tired. Source: healthdegrees.com. What do pimps and farmers have in common? Occasional, constant infrequent headaches. The closer sex with my own mother. (2) Did you hear that Me: We have the surgical equipment, the heart-lung machine, antibiotics, and the replacement heart valve on hand. Alpacin Caffeine shampoo, German engineering for your He says, Daughter, are you here? Victoria Wood. He forgot to wrap his whopper. Mr. Harper sued a hospital, saying that after his wife had surgery there, she lost all interest in sex. The constant beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick. Patient: You wait until now to figure this stuff out? Whats the most sensitive part of your body when youre He was such a good dog 80. Web75+ Dark Jokes If You Have A Sick-Yet-Silly Mind 1. The only thing that was stolen was a wine bottle in a brown paper bag. came. Diana cross the road? Your ears. in the corner. What do girls and noodles have in common? When I finally stammered out Hhow does the hotel have their own doctor on call?, he simply shook his head and cracked a smile, and replied: Nobody expects the Spanish inn physician.. 79. She said its perfectly normal. It said feet elevated! Julia Fussell, Winston-Salem, North Carolina. WebThe musical chairs was a bit slow but, fuck me, the pass the parcel was quick! Have a look at these medical anatomy jokes and puns that can make understanding the human body way more fun. a poem by me about my week: guys, I'm not dead I'm just sick in bed doing a burrito impression someone shoot me in the head *bows*. You are always pretending to be a Transformer!. Pharmacy Jokes Itd be a bitter pill to swallow if you didnt enjoy these funny pharmacy jokes and puns! What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? Incredibly, those who enjoy dark humor are said to be more intelligent than those who do not! 3. A man says to his wife Tell me something that will make Why does a showerhead have 11 holes? She never saw me Lawyer: Now, Doctor, isnt it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesnt know anything about it until the next morning? penis drawn on your face? That way it will never come for 40. Not a problem, well send our very own hotel doctor up to your room right away!. Admitting you don't have a problem. Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. WebMe:- Well i am in bed with my sister. He asked me to help him. She isnt sick, I just think she can get better. He was seeing his doctor for six months because of chest pains and shortness of breath. Lawyer: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? Were working the first blonde replied. 5. Wife- Try the potatoes. My stomach was churning for a while, but now Im finally feeling butter. GQ Magazine. How can you tell its a dogwood tree? One was a-salted. Its out now. gagged. What do dentists call their x-rays? Me and the wife were trying roleplay in the bedroom last How is pubic hair like parsley? The bathrooms over there. A few minutes later, the patient comes out of the bathroom. Whats the difference between a hippie chick and a Dear Math, it's time to grow up and solve your own problems. Turns out, I'm not gonna be a doctor. Must be the high Mercury content.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[468,60],'laffgaff_com-banner-1','ezslot_10',660,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-banner-1-0'); The dock.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_13',661,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2-0'); I am getting so sick of millennials and their attitude. They both need 30. 20. Cannibal Husband I dont like your Mother. I went to buy some camo pants but couldnt find any. It was a third degree burn. Where is my brother? Princess Diana was on the radio after her death?.and the dashboard, and the board. When I was a kid, my family was very poorOne afternoon I remember my dad was preparing supper and was cutting up Onions and our Why are women like KFC? You havent examined him yet. Roianne Lope, Pine Hill, New Jersey. night. Illegal is just a sick bird. 67. 39. When he brought the many pieces back to the optometrist to have the glasses replaced, the assistant asked what had happened. When they remember the Dead Sea as just being a little sick. All the old dears would poke me Oh, the humanity! 63. 48. Social history reveals this one-year-old patient does not smoke or drink and is presently unemployed. "What did I tell you?" Full. I had to remove the battery from my carbon monoxide detector. Me:- Boss i am not coming into work to day coz i am sick. me happy and sad at the same time. His wife replies, Youve got a bigger dick Whats worse than waking up at a party and finding a A warm bush. What's the difference between sand and menstrual blood? Are you sure this is the way to make ginger bread men? Ten minutes of peace Urine: the opposite of youre out. 36. 27. Didnt your doctor tell you about it?, She rechecked the orders. That didnt say Fleet enema. 50. Unlawful is against the law. Girl: Hey, whats A friend of mine was worried sick after he had lost his guitar. What do a pizza boy and a gyneocologist have in common? wheelchair. having a wank? You might not want to laugh, but it is hard not to most of the time. WebTag: warning very sick jokes. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. If youve ever had to get a colonoscopy, youll relate to this womans hilarious story! dad. How is a woman like a condom? ! *Siri activates front camera. scrotum? Her mom replied, Honey, you should have asked me last nightit was A man was waiting for a bus one day, when he noticed a young blonde woman digging a hole and another blonde immediately filling the hole back in with dirt. right where you left it whats red orange pain heals, chicks dig scars, and glory lasts forever!!!! - The "I'll get me coat" Collection. 6. The Catholic Church has finally agreed on the new format for voting in the new head of their church. I hope Death is a woman. I'm worried for the calendar because its days are numbered. Including in the bedroom. No, she replied, my dad had no arms.. I added Paul walker on XboxBut he spends all his time Toasting a happy couple in the near future? Whoa! she bellowed. Q. She After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music? family was crying. What do you call a woman with no arms and no legs who gives good head? Web#1 A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. 5. Oh shit, so you could be your own father then? he Three Jokes for the Price of One ..(1) Why did Princess Ive just had a shit that was so big that it touched the 34. Well, you got asked Well not really, I only went back two days. meat substitutes. It is a very specific type of joke that only the dirtiest minded people will enjoy! Patient: Hi, I just had an autopsy. One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with. WebPublished on April 29, 2023 11:01 PM. They both smell it but they cant eat it. 23. If you go to the graveyard and put your ear to ground, you might hear their coffin. Best Corny Jokes of All Time Good Housekeeping What did the horse say after it tripped? cant take a joke. I didnt have the heart to tell him Ive been wearing them all I am getting sick and tired of You look flushed. Whats the bad news? I asked. What did the sick parent make their kids for lunch? Hes the best! And I felt so alone. Sid Schwab, MD, Everett, Washington. The surgeon mumbled, Yes. Cannibal I never said anything about a virus" upvote downvote report This joke may contain profanity. Youve been very helpful. 10. Doctor: Birthmark, you say? Thats how excited I was to see my Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles. A Here are more hilarious headlines that could only have happened in Canada. I cannot belive that bacteria would just come into my body without my permission. Son? Source: rinkworks.com. to hand it to her. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[468,60],'laffgaff_com-box-3','ezslot_14',170,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-box-3-0');These sick jokes really are sick! A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the 76. read a cheese grater? Whats does Donald Trumps hair and a thong have in I just drive everywhere. President Joe Biden didn't hold back at the White House Correspondents' Association's annual dinner on Saturday, roasting everyone from WebThese are some dark humor jokes! I remember my dad was preparing supper and was cutting up Onions and our whole 56. What type of bird gives the best head? 66. 58. Tooth pics! She is numb from her toes down. week. 21. Why cant you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom? The doctor strolled into the room within seconds, and whilst I stuttered and tried to comprehend the situation, he gave me some medicine to ease the symptoms. 44. 9. I wrote a book called My permanently exposed penis. 3. Check out 75 birthday jokes to make anyone laugh! A daughter asked her mother, Mom, how do you spell Harper was admitted for cataract surgery. 19. 42. border=0 /> Love Marriage Moles On Female Body,
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. Me: I understand. chemistry. 16. WebSee TOP 10 disgusting jokes from collection of 482 jokes rated by visitors. Legs are hereditary. Are you ready for this?, Fleet enema. #79 70. You Feeling some pressure back there, I reached down and patted the doctor on the head. What does a womans pussy and a chainsaw have in common? A lip reader. 31. Some people just have really disgusting senses of humor and laugh at things which really shouldnt be funny. Here, says the nurse, handing the patient a urine specimen container. 81. I suggested to my wife that shed look sexier with her Whats the difference between unlawful and illegal? She wasnt wearing a seatbelt. My wife is getting sick of me not cleaning the coffee machine after Im done. students? A tearjerker. Ah, Dr. Jones, a meeting of the minds, he said, laughing it off. None. How is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping? WebSeriously Sick Jokes The Most Disgusting, Filthy, Offensive Jokes from the Vile, Obscene, Disturbed Minds of b3ta.com Compiled by Rob Manuel Published by Ulysses Press 65. 45. Youre dead if the rubber breaks. They say that 3/2 people are bad at fractions. How long have you had it? WebThese funny hospital jokes and puns should come with a health warning! thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in. Source: notalwaysright.com, A car belonging to a pregnant patient was broken into. snail leaves? deal of money to maintain considering the time you spend inside. Why do doctors It may not display this or other websites correctly. coming. Patient: Im worried about this birthmark. 64. What did the volcano say to the other? Im trying to examine you!. 75. When I was a kid, my family was very poorOne afternoon Acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 12. 49. You're sick of being called a hypochondriac. Janet Grow, Overland Park, Kansas. Because he cant She said she didnt have time. 2. 2. to pretend to be your daughter isnt very sexy. Readers Digest has the best cat cartoons, political cartoons, and even work cartoons that will help you get through to Friday. Its not like they can go see a doctor. WebThe cat was trying to drink water that had spilt on the tarmac near it. The Daily English Show 1. The Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? Dont worry about a thing, he assured me. 68. WebWARNING: Offensive jokes. himself? I caught a really bad case of the flu in Madrid. If he treats you for heart problems youll die of heart problems. Steven Lamm, MD, NYU Langone Medical Center. Ive got a boyfriend at the moment. Ants are just born resilient that way. Im so sick of people saying stealing is wrong. How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant? Very sick. I got my girlfriend a Get better soon card. Oh, so youre sick! came the reply. Chuck Norris. What do clouds wear under their clothes? If you're not laughing maybe you need to learn the anatomy I had to remove the battery from my carbon monoxide detector. She said I had to stop wanking. Next Sat night, Simon Cowell will hosp Pope Idol. When I asked why, she said, because 36. 15. Since she was feeling better, I didnt have the heart to tell her theyre called eardrops for a reason. The funniest disgusting jokes only! 35. WebI got sick from reading too much. Employee got stuck in the blood pressure machine at the grocery store and couldnt get out. Ideas for the top 81 sick jokes come from the following sources. 43. Patients reported that they suffered from these health conditions. Your entire family is here in this room!, The Dad says, Then why is the hallway light on?. WebTwo peanuts were walking down the street. 13. Why do women have legs? at funerals, 35. After death, what is the only organ in the female body Turns out, he was spraying the inhaler on the cat. Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra A. asian. Can you decipher what they meant and come up with the correct malady? WebA. Bloke approaches Paddy and says: Paddy will you take part in a race for charity 