A lepre-con! A leprechaun artist! What's long & green & has a low I.Q.? Why did the leprechaun go outside? Well, says the doctor, Ive been trying to get hold of you for the past 2 days.. Touch my Lucky Charms & I will choke your little Leprechaun Yes, theyre green with envy! After about 15 minutes, the man finally gets up and says, Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!. If you doget offended by any of these, you need to get your noggin checked. Potty gold at the end of the rainbow. Why wasn't Jesus born in Ireland? How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time? OK none of these jokes are going to be overly filthy, because this is a site for all the family. My wife made me a green hamburger today to celebrate St Patricks Day. He's done it again! Why do leprechauns hide behind 4-leafclovers and not 3-leafclovers? "How'd you like to help put the Irish Spring back into me shillelagh?" Q: Why did the leprechaun climb over the rainbow? WebI might only be 25% Irish, but on St Patrick's Day I will be 100% drunk. Why did the leprechaun stand on the potato? So go ahead bend over for me Sonnie! What do bullshitters like most about St. Patricks day? Theres a joke here thatll tickle anyones funny bone. What would you get if you crossed Quasimodo with an Irish football player? A sham rock He then pulls a small green-skinned man out of his pocket and puts him on the counter. WebBrilliant!. Q: How can you spot a jealous shamrock? It interferes with his suffering! I dont have four leaves, but if you pluck me, Ill give you luck! Drink green beer on St Patricks Day! A: Green Lantern. Why do Irish people recycle? In a wasted stupor, he decides to take a shortcut home through a nearby forest. When Is The Best Time To Visit Ireland? Paddy has an idea, he takes the 50 cents of Sean, goes to a butchers and buys a sausage. Where can you always find a shamrock? The next day Paddy is drinking with Seamus when he boasts about the night before. Here's to a long life and a merry one. Pat who? To keep from falling in the stew! The swingers there must be a misunderstanding 2. Well, are you feeling any better?, asked the doctor. So what does she look like, Paddy? asks Seamus. Youre very clover! St. Patrick's Day Ideas for an Extra Lucky Holiday, 62 Silly St. Patrick's Day Jokes That Give Dad Jokes a Run for Their Money, Your Privacy Choices: Opt Out of Sale/Targeted Ads. He touches the small man on his shoulder to turn and identify the person and is shocked _Here's one I vividly remember being told by a kid in a playground when I was about 5 years old._, Stoner: "Alright maaan, uhhh, how about. a joint of the best weed EVER that never goes out or burns up, and I will never gain a tolerance to it". What's the difference between a leprechaun and a jogging woman? Sorry, love, can I have a pint of Guinness and a packet of crisps where youre ready there. Youre very clover. Have you seen all jokes? I was sent home early today. The whole feckin bed by the looks of it!, Prepare yourself for this next hilarious Irish dirty joke. Why do leprechauns love to garden? That mayflower fellow? WebFive Funny Short Jokes for St Patrick's Day 'Hello, Mary, how's your new false teeth?' Related reads:See our guides to the best Irish toasts for drinks, weddings and more. The monkey said "holy shit how much did you drink little buddy. (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}). Who's there? Q: How did the leprechaun beat everyone else to the pot of gold? Do you know what they call leprechaun pee? What happens when a leprechaun falls into a river? ", An obnoxious drunk stumbles into the front door of a bar and orders a drink, the bartender says, "No way, buddy, you're too drunk." Shes over the fu*king moon!'. Why make the Easter Bunny so lucky? Plus youll get a fun bonus Halloween Lunch Box Jokes Printable (30+ Days of Jokes). How do Irish cooks keep their tools organized? I warned you -- now I'm gonna rip off your little tallywagger!" Q: Who was the leprechauns favorite super hero? I said, what have you been up to? Spam likes = blocked. What do you call a nun with a washing machine on her head? Knock, knock! We exist to make planning your Irish Road Trip easy. What type of bow cannot be tied? Regular rocks are too heavy. Paddy OFurniture. May your glass be ever full. The father, taken aback, says, The Mother Superior answered and was taken quite by surprise at the sight. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. He gets wet, of course. A leprechaun who recycles. 3. The bartender looks at them and says, "Is this some kind of a joke?". They are short-tempered. Paddy drops into the local pub on the way back home from visiting the doctor. Cause when I look at you my penis is Dublin. Leprechauns are one of the reasons to wear green on Saint Patrick's Day, otherwise there's a risk you will get pinched. What does the Easter Bunny do when he gets out of the shower? Below, youll find a handful of clean Irish jokes. What happens if a leprechaun falls into the ocean? Q: Why are leprechauns so hard to get along with? Our picks. A Guide To Weather, Seasons + Climate, How To Get Around In Ireland: The Pros + Cons To Cars, Tours and Public Transport, Airports in Ireland: Where They Are And Which Is The Best To Fly Into. He's standing at the urinal and notices a very short guy at the urinal next to him. Because you don't want to press your luck. Sure, youd be arrested for less!. Nobody can really remember much of what happened after that. A saint pat-trick. Theres probably a handful of great bad Irish jokes below, along with some shite ones, too. They reach the first monestary and knock on the door. Have any short Irish jokes for adults that you want to share? "You look magically delicious, and I just happen to be a cereal adulterer." Q: Why do leprechauns wear shamrocks? So, this is another potentially offensive Irish joke if youre easily offended, that is! They say St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland. Hearst Magazine Media, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Why don't you iron 4-Leaf clovers? If youre looking for some funny Irish jokes, the ones below should give you a giggle! Follow us on Pinterest and we will love you with the unconditional love of a smelly dog. A: Irish you a Happy St. Patricks Day. Q: Why cant leprechaun ever end a golf game? He stops in the middle of the footpath, lowers his trousers, squats dow. "OK then, I wish that I was married to the hottest woman on Earth, who lived for nothing other than the need to satisfy my every sexual desire." Irish Priest When he started relieving himself in the trough, he noticed a dwarf a few feet down the trough. Who told you that? asked Marty.. How should you greet someone on March 17? I asked her how she colored it and she said she didn't know what I was talkin about. In the dictionary. The man was evidently offended and responded, The cheek, just because I order a pint of Guinness you assume Im Irish. WebTop 10 hilarious Irish dirty jokes (laughter guaranteed) 1. #1 for Parents and Teachers! To sit on his paddy-o 2. Now there's a lady waiting in ye car too. What did one shamrock say to the other when it saw a leprechaun? Shite replied the barman What do you have? A tenner replied Ben.. A: A lepre-con. Or looking for Irish jokes for kids? Crypt o' Currency. Because they're very short-tempered! A rainbow 3. WebLeprechaun jokes. Warren who? "Why not?" The Englishman says, The pubs in England are the best. The man looks up and says, "Apprently my wife does.". Q: What type of bow cant a leprechaun tie? Do you know a good joke which isn't here. Bejeezus (And to Be Shure) Soon after O'Shaughnessy clocked in for work, the foreman called him over and told him that he had a phone call in the front office. A: He took a shortcut. An Irish farmer was walking along the boundary between his and his neighbours fields when he spotted his neighbour carrying 2 sheep in his arms. A: To get to the other side, Q: What do leprechauns leave out on their lawn all summer? How do you start the St Patricks Day parade in the ghetto? I stir it in with my left hand, replied the first lad. Q: Why do leprechauns prefer dollar bills over coins? Roll a 40 down the street! Q: What did the baby leprechaun find at the end of the rainbow? "I named my pee-pee 'Guinness' Did you ever hear about the Lucky Charms leprechaun's evil twin? To get to the other side! To get to the pot of gold faster! The family sold the milk to buy food and that's what kept them going. He's getting hammered in a pub, and goes to take a leak. What did the leprechaun say when Q: What did the leprechaun call the happy man wearing green? Q: What type of bow cant a leprechaun tie? I will, says the friend. Mount & Do Why did the leprechaun go outside? I thought your ", A man walks into a bar pulling a heavy chain. The bartender said, "What will you have Umbridge?". A: He already had pot of gold, Q: What do you call a leprechaun who goes to prison? Movies Theres a joke thatll tickle every sense of humour (weve stuck the offensive Irish jokes in at the end for those that would rather dodge them!). Hey little buddy waz up said the croc, "I just got stoned with my pal the monkey." The mother superior opens the door to see the two little green men. The first one knocks on the door. A cold beer and another one. He is curious, and gets closer and sees a small person with his back to him. What do you call a nomad with a lucky charm? Read Later Add to Favourites Add to Collection Report. It's the ability to tell a man to go to hell. An American man goes to Ireland and goes to an Irish pub. "Tip o' the Trojan to ye!" The Leprechaun says, "I'm a Leprechaun, I can have whatever I want.". The leprechaun wiggles his fingers and Bam! Potty. He should have been home from work 3 hours ago? The man sighed. How did the leprechaun win the race? Laugh at these funny leprechaun jokes. He should quit drinking. God. A: They refuse to leave the green. How did the Irish Jig get started? What do you call a fake Irish stone? Gaelic breath.. What do you say to someone who just got peed on by a leprechaun? Where can you always find a shamrock? Irish Who? Q: What should you say to a leprechauns running in the St. Patricks Day marathon? WebThe leprechaun says, "I did that for you. A: Theyre really into green living. What's the difference between a little guy with a pot o' gold and a big gathering where people's limbs are falling off? What do you call a leprechauns vacation home? 81.7K Followers. A Paddy-long-legs., What do Irish ghosts drink on Halloween? Most Irish people are just witty by nature, and the classic one-liners and jokes are sometimes just improvised, perhaps after a few pints. A: Irish soda bread. The guy replies, fuck off I'm not gay. Well, replied the doctor, You only have 3 days to live. Because they have cotton balls. Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland? Oh my God she replied. He couldnt find three wise men or a virgin. They each ask the barman for a pint of Guinness. After downing several pints, he heads to the loo to take a huge piss. So an American in Ireland walks into a bathroom. Hes Dublin over with laughter! A lad from Clare went to his local doctor with cramps from constipation. The other is clover. What's small, lucky, and green all over? 38. I have to do 3 hours of sensitivity training. WebSuch phrases include bedad and begorrah, top of the morning, or faith, me darling. According to folklore, leprechauns spend their time as shoemakers who hide pots of gold at the end of rainbows. 37. Q: Why cant you borrow money from a leprechaun? We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. How is a best friend like a 4-leaf clover? What kind of music should you listen to on St. Patricks Day? I did my best to bring you only the best ones. whom it would appear he had accidently hit with his errant shot. Erin go bragh! The taller gentleman catches himself sneaking a peek and notices the short man's penis is exceptionally large. A shamrock! (With Irish accent) If liquor were a pond and I were a duck Id swim to the bottom and never come up Irish Day Off Jokes Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site. May the roof over your head be always strong. In lepre-condos. 2. Two Irish lads were working for the local county council. This is one of the many Irish stereotype jokes thats flying around, but unlike many it isnt exactly offensive. What do you get when you cross a pillowcase with a stone? Q: What basketball team do leprechauns cheer for? WebLeprechaun Jokes. A: IreLand Ho! The guy being drunk turns around and says hold on, are you really a leprechaun? Q: Why are so many leprechauns florists? She is excited to share what she discovers with her readers. Hello. Knock Knock ", The American goes, "Alright, for my final wish, I wanna big dick like yours.". Q: Why was the leprechaun trying to find gamma rays? One's a leprechaun and the other's a leper-con. The guy can't help but notice this little guy is hung like a donkey. The cop stopped after a few minutes and told those waiting to cross the road, Okay pedestrians, he said, Lets go. What is it youre after? the shop assistant asked. The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?" ", What do you say if your peeing in Ireland and spot a leprechaun? Ye can see 'e's 'angin' out. What is the Zombie equivalent of a Leprechaun's Pot o' Gold? What's the difference between wisdom and luck? And of course, what kind of St. Patricks Day jokes would be complete without the best of the best knock-knock jokes and puns galore. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. Sure youd be arrested for less!'. Everyone in the pub agreed and gave a big cheer. So, what someone deems as funny Irish jokes is subjective i.e. I met a leprechaun, and he gave me three wishes. I said, that. Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy, submissons by: antony_basketball_35, Mriley, jasminduncanson, dyson917, harlemshaker16. Why do frogs like St. Patrick's Day? Comedy Gold! All bunged up A lad from Clare went to his Why do frogs love St. A: Wee-cyclers. "Lassie, it's your ancestral duty to drive the snake out of my pants!" St. O'Claus! A: To get to the other side! We specialise in Bizarre Irish News, Viral Videos and general Irish Craic. Jade is currently on a campervan adventure around Europe, where she continues to get her travel and food inspiration. Look up! The bartender asks the priest what he wants. Knock, knock! All of a sudden a crocodile came out of the water. Not everyday you see one of my kind! Apparently, asking a dwarf why he isnt wearing his leprechaun costume was offensive. now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); Because they have green thumbs. There's a pot of gold waiting in ye car. I'm in the wrong joke!". Q: What do leprechauns yell when they first see an Irish shoreline? When he got back to class, his Warren anything green for St. Patrick's Day? on one such occasion, he happened upon a leprechaun. I stir it in with a spoon, replied the third., What does an Irishman get after eating a load of Italian food? Now I can grant ye one wish, as long as it involves tongue! The bartender looks at them and says, "Is this some kind of a joke? Paddy and Mary decided to try a 69. When its a French fry. The next day the same man comes in and orders 12 shots of whiskey. A: He wanted to look like the Hulk. Click here for more information. It Must Have Been Love (But It's Clover Now) by Sham-Roxette, Shamrock and Roll All Nite by KISS Me Im Irish, and Party on the Paddy-O by ZZ Green Top Hat. WebLeprechaun: "Ahh, laddie, that's a pretty tall order. Tony! he called. Why do leprechauns have pots o'gold? What instrument would a show-off play on St. Patricks Day? -Sammy Wilson. Who's that guy who fought the buff leprechaun? He slurre, One jumps up on the other's shoulders, knocks on the door, and jumps down as a priest comes to answer. When she answered the door, Pat Glynn, her husbands manager at the brewery, was stood on the doorstep. A: Small talk. Beer drinking Joke teller. What can I do for you?" Lepre-Con. A lepre-condo. Q: What did the leprechaun order to drink at the Chinese restaurant? Sure, theyre great at shorthand! Since he had nothing to wipe with, he comes back to the classroom with his hands cupped, hiding the shit. ", The leprechaun looks around and says, "Saints preserve us! St. OClause! Never the less the leprechaun says your loss and starts to walk away. The guy replies "I'm 25yrs old , why do you ask?" If not, remove the wrong ones in the widget settings. asked Bridget. said Mary. !, asked the patient. Q: What do you call leprechauns who collect cans and plastic? Leprechauns are a type of Irish fairy. A man walks into a public restroom to relieve himself. The American guy asks, "So when do I get that big dick ?". The Leprechaun has a massively huge dick, the guy asks "Hey how did you get your dick so big?". Are you going to shear those sheep. A week later the lad comes back. BOOOOOOs., A Cork man went for a job at the local stables. Good Comebacks, Roasts, & Burns: Best 99+ You Need To Know, 139 Best Funny Pick Up Lines To Make Her Laugh & Blush, 179 Steven Spielberg Quotes That Will Inspire You, Funny Penguin Jokes: 11 Best That Will Make You Laugh & More, Dead Birds Falling From Sky Are The Fallout From The Great Resignation. One's a leprechaun and the other's a leper-con. You see, were normally a three-man team. "Oh it is me lucky day! Continue with Recommended Cookies. How do you blind an Irish woman? So, he shouted over to the lad digging the holes, I dont get it why do you dig a hole, only for the other lad to fill it in?, The lad wiped his brow and sighed deeply, Well, I suppose it probably does looks a bit odd. Lucky Charms! WebWhy did the leprechaun cross the road on red? Well there is a river just down there. You know you overdid it on St. Patrick's Day when you think you're kissing the Blarney Stone and then it kisses back. A bard walks up to a bored leprechaun. Because hes always a little short. I can smell wine, Father, said the Garda. The Halfback of Notre Dame! He's using the urinal when this really short guy starts using the urinal next to him. Sean: "I can't do this anymore Paddy my bloody knees are hurting as fuck!" But before you pull out your favorite green sweater, you better be prepared to entertain your friends and family with some funny St. Patrick's Day jokes and puns. I stir it in with my right, replied the second. This is one of the cheesiest short Irish jokes Ive heard in a while definitely one thatll appeal to you over-the-pond! Clover. My wife made me a green hamburger today to celebrate St Patricks Day. They worked up along one street and then down the other. Except me mammy, of course!, Well then, says Seamus. We've got all your leprechaun one-liners right here. You cant do that, says the Irishman. Anto replied, Delighted? things!!". Dirty Leprechaun joke. No posts match the widget criteria. A: A Jolly Green Giant. Police believe they're all victims of character assassination. Ben walked into the local bar all a fluster and ordered seven shots of Irish whiskey and a pint of Smwithicks. A quick death and an easy one. Theyre both for me.. A: Youre my lucky charm. One turns to the other and says, It was a 2. 2. The leprechaun makes a deal with the man. Two lepracauns walk up to the doors of a Catholic Church in Ireland. WebSt. A poor Irish family lives on a farm and they rely on their single cow for income. The Leprechaun says, "Done! After several pitchers of beer, the leprechaun runs over to a large, mean-looking guy, sticks out his tongue and spits all his legs. I've been sharing them in letters with my son who's in bootcamp. Erin who? Q: Why did the leprechaun climb the rainbow? BOOs! Urine luck! What do you call a deceitful little criminal who lives at the end of the rainbow? Sham-rock and roll. A thousand welcomes when anyone comes With soda bread. Disclaimer: This is a Russian joke which I am translating after a few too many glasses of wine. Why did God invent Jameson whiskey? Q: What did the leprechaun say on March 17? When the barman arrived back with the pint, all of the shots of whiskey had been drunk. He uses a hare dryer. Because there's pot at the end of the rainbow! Thats good, said Sean. A: To sit on the paddy-o, Q: What job did the leprechaun have at the restaurant? My grandfather was always playing pranks on people. Sure, they're green with envy! What happens when you call a leprechaun short? Emphasis onsome. A: He was the short-order cook, Q: What position did the leprechaun play on the baseball team? He looks around but can't see a place to conceal his inevitable colon loaf. After all, its all about the humour at the end of the day. Why do we wear shamrocks on St. Patricks Day? Where do leprechauns live? So the croc walked through the brush and to the tree. The short man replied now without the Irish accent, "Hmm just wondering why is a grown as 25yr old man still believing in leprechauns. As he enters the bathroom he notices a leprechaun at the urinals. Im a little short., I hardly recognized him, he looked mostly the same, except he had a giant round orange head. Did that happen to you? and the Irishman replies No, but it happened to my sister.. These jokes are kid-friendly, but their groan-worthyyet undeniably sillypunchlines are guaranteed to make the adults giggle too. The American asks, "where'd ya get that big dick? A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. Here, you'll find everything from hike and drive guides to funky places to stay and more! Q: What did the Cheerio say to its sweetheart on St. Paddys Day? Urine luck. Q: What was the leprechauns favorite cereal? Q: Why did the boy lock himself in his house on St. Patricks Day? So that he will look forward to making the trip Into my pub one evening, strolled the craziest sight to behold for a Saturday night. What do they call the Irish jig at McDonalds? So the guy after pondering for a while agrees, Ok man on one condition you can't tell anybody about this. Ah here, you drank those very quickly said the barman. WebThe leprechaun runs down the bar and gives the Englishman a raspberry again- SPLBLBLBLBT! The leprechaun nodded then said "You have a family don't you?" A passerby saw what they were doing and was amazed at the hard work, but couldnt understand what they were at. Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy. An Irishman walks into a bar and asks for two beers. A glass of Guinness appears. Neither exist. Again he slurs, "Give me a drink," and the bartender says, "No, man, I told you last time, you're too drunk" Who's there? (Sister Matic). Why are leprechauns so hard to get along with? "If you know what's good for you, don't come near me again, or I'll rip off your little tallywagger," yells the mean-looking guy. St Patricks Day Bar Jokes When it turns green! A guy stands on the first tee on a beautiful Irish morning. the man what he could get him and why the man was pulling that chain Clover who? Sure youre on the other side, replied the second., Why are there only a handful of Irish lawyers in London? The bartender asks, "What's the matter?" and the little fela says no im just a Goblin! She undresses, lies on the bed spread-eagled, and says, Yeah, says Paddy. A: Because theyre always a little short. On the third hole (a long dogleg left par 4) he smashes his driver over the trap that guards the left corner of the dogleg. "I gotcha! A sham rock Now this man was overjoyed as he was only farmer that barely got by. I warned you -- now I'm gonna rip off your little tallywagger!" What's Irish and stays out all night? Goes for a walk in the forest sees a little fella dressed in green with his head bobbing up and down between his legs, so the yank says to him are you Leprechaun? now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); Name the top three songs by leprechaun cover bands. Why did the leprechaun stand on the potato? To make a rain-bow. The leprechaun runs down the bar and gives the Englishman a raspberry again, SPLBLBLBLBT! This time the Englishman is really mad! Terri Robertson is the Senior Editor, Digital, at Country Living, where she shares her lifelong love of homes, gardens, down-home cooking, and antiques. The wife comes out to investigate the gunshot, finds her husba. Paddys walking home from the pub when he finds a woman tied to the railway track. They have an Irish whisk-key. 'Cause they don't want to get a "sham rock". 1. The first leprechaun asks, "tell me father, do you have any leprechaun nuns in your church?" A: A rainbow. Want jokes for St. Patricks Day? They play their brag-pipes. A: Because Irish stew. What's the main difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? I haven't either! I asked her how she colored it and How did the leprechaun beat the Irishman to the pot of gold? the BLARNEY stone! For his first wish the farmer wishes for all the land in Texas to. Oh. After three hours of unforgettable sex, Paddy says, I wonder how the girls are getting on?. To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it. Theres one less pisshead (an Irish insult) at the wake!. So theyre perfect both for kids and adults. So did you hear about the leprechaun that got arrested for identity theft?
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